Truthful Conversations
by rika08
Summary: When Matt asked about Emily's life in her own time, he never intended to ask about her husband, or admit the fact that he didn't want to keep his promise to send her abck to him. Matt/Emily


He found her sitting in one of his chairs, staring out at the window. Her slender legs were dressed in a pair of woman's jeans, thanks to Jess's startlingly accurate size guessing. Her left leg was crossed over her right. Her feet pointed out the window from within the brown boots Jess had bought. She turned her body toward the window. Her torso was twisted within a dark green long sleeves shirt. Her brown curls were tied up and hung around her shoulder. He didn't have to see her face to know how her drown eyes stared out at the city. Just the position of her chin on top of her hand was enough to tell Matt what Emily was deep in thought.

Matt leaned forward against the railing. He hadn't fully reached the top landing of his apartment, but once his eyes had spotted her, he couldn't help but watcher.

"Tell about your home." Matt said.

Emily's head spun around quickly. Her hair swung around her head with her sudden movement. The wideness of her eyes and the sudden alertness in her position told him that Emily had been completely unaware of his presence. After a moment of calming herself, Emily spoke. "What?"

"I'm curious about your home. What was it like?" he repeated.

Emily's eyes slowly drifted from him.

Matt realized he'd taken a careless approach on a touchy subject. "It's none of my business. Forgive me for prying."

"No, no it's not that." Emily said.

Matt frowned. "What is it?"

Emily looked up at Matt. "It's just…I've been passing through dozens…maybe hundreds of gateways in hopes or returning home. But it's been so long since I've thought about my home, and i…I can't seem to remember much anymore. Nothing much prior to my passage through the gateways."

Matt climbed the final step onto his flat. "What about your family?"

A smile filled Emily's exquisite face. "My family, I remember."

Matt walked across the room toward Emily. He seated himself on his second chair. "Siblings?"

"Several." Emily answered.

Matt leaned in his chair. "What were their names?"

Emily took a deep breath. "There were five of us children. The eldest was my brother Nathaniel. Named after my father. He was almost seven years my senior. Very tall, hard worker. He loved the farmland. Every morning, before the sun rose, Nathaniel was working in the fields. He loved the richness of the earth almost as much as he loved his family. No matter what farm business he had to manage, Nathaniel always made time for his children.

"Lucas is the second. Six years my senior. He was…" Emily paused a moment. "He was killed in an accident when I was still a child."

"I'm sorry."

Emily nodded. "So am i."

Matt eased into his next question. "If I may ask, what happened?"

"There was a storm…one night. Lucas and my father were securing the animal in the barn. The winds were so strong they ripped the limbs off. Lucas was struck by one of the limbs. The doctor said death was immediate." Emily explained. She looked down at her hands.

Matt reached across and took her hands into his. He watched as Emily slowly raised her eyes to his. "Any sister's?"

Emily shook her head. "No."

Matt's brow rose. "Five children and you being the only girl? It must have been an interesting childhood."

Emily chuckled lightly. "You could say that."

"What was your third brother's name?"

"Victor."

Matt noted the extra spark in Emily's eyes as she said her brother's name. He smiled. "He was your favorite brother?"

"One cannot choose favorites within their bloodline." Emily replied.

"Maybe, but your face says otherwise." Matt stated.

Emily blushed slightly. She nodded. "Yes, Victor and I were very close. Despite being three years my senior, Victor only kept me guarded. He worked with me in the house, he tended to me when ill, he always put me ahead of himself no matter how I begged him not to. He was the sweetest, most dearest man in the whole village."

Matt nodded. "Sounds like a brother to envy."

Emily smiled. "The youngest of my brother's was Alistair. One year my senior. Alistair was brilliant in almost every subject in school. He could read and write better than my father. He would stay up late into the night reading books about anything. He wanted to go become an attorney to those who couldn't afford one. Defend all people instead of the wealthy."

"And your parents?"

"My father, Nathaniel James Merchant IV, was a farmer. That's all my family ever were, simple country farmers. He had plenty of money, but like my eldest brother, my father loved the land. He would tend to it at every hour of every day. Every morning, he would wake before the sunrise and say,_ 'Woe to men of cities. They have homes that reach the sky, but no land to call their own. Here I stand with land of my own, and the gift to watch it prosper'._" Emily explained with a smile.

"And your mother?" Matt asked.

Emily's smile faded almost immediately. Her eyes fell from Matt, back into her lap. "I never knew her. She died…giving birth to me."

Matt was silent, letting Emily speak at her own pace.

"My father once told me, before my birth, my mother always wanted a daughter. She wanted to name me Catherine, after her mother." Emily said slowly. "But after my birth, my father so much of my mother in me, he names me after her instead, giving my grandmother's name second."

"Emily Catherine Merchant." Matt whispered.

Emily nodded.

"You have an amazing family, Emily." Matt said. "And I promise you, I'll get you back to them."

Emily shook her head. "You can't promise that, Matthew. I've traveled from gateway to gateway, and am nowhere near closer to home than from when I began."

"That doesn't mean you can't go back. Abby and Connor made it back to our time; you'll make it back to yours." Matt replied.

"Do you believe your job is going to allow me to simply return?" Emily asked. "I've seen your time, Matthew. Do you not think there will be some sort of consequences?"

"It would be more dangerous to let you remain in this time." Matt explained.

"So you're saying, if a gateway to my time opened this very day, you would let me go without hesitation?" she asked.

The answer should have been easy. Emily didn't belong to this time, thus she had to go back. But Matt couldn't answer. He'd grown fond of her since she'd arrived in their time. He'd grown fond of waking to her quiet footsteps in the morning, the sight of her in one of his shirts, her smile, her eyes. He'd grown fond of her completely. The truth was…Matt didn't want to let her go. Every time Matt thought about her leaving, his chest tightened. This was what Gideon had warned Matt against. He wasn't supposed to get attached to people, least if all Emily.

Instead of answering Emily's question, Matt rose from his seat and walked into the kitchen. He pulled the kettle from the cabinet and filled it with water. He heated the stove and set the kettle on. Matt could feel Emily's gaze on him, but he couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes.

Emily rose from the chair and walked quickly across the room. She stopped at the counter, placing her hands on the countertop. Matt still hadn't turned to face her. "Matt."

"Yes. I'd let you go through." Matt answered slowly.

"Your answer sounds less than convincing." Emily replied.

"I can't help that." Matt said shortly.

Emily walked around the counter into the kitchen. She walked up to Matt's left. But Matt still refused to look at her. "Then why do your eyes say differently?"

This time Matt did look at Emily. He smirked sadly at her. She was a brilliantly observant woman. That was no doubt going to be his downfall when she left his time. She looked back at him, her deep eyes filled with concern. Her dark brown hair hung off her shoulder beneath her face. Matt had seen beautiful women, but Emily put them all to rest with one look.

"You're hiding something with your hesitation, Matthew." Emily stated.

Matt nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Emily slowly touch Matt's arm. Her deep eyes peered right through to his heart. He felt the same tightness constrict his chest. But her touch seemed to melt it away. Her eyes pleaded with him to tell her. The same eyes that pleaded with him to get her home. The same eyes that would haunt him after she'd leave.

The kettle whistled, breaking Matt's line of thought. He stepped from Emily's touch and took the pot from the stove. He poured the scaling water into the cup in front of him. He fixed the cup of tea and pushed the cup into Emily's hands.

"Tell me about your husband." Matt said. He tried to keep the hurt from his voice. He turned from Emily, leaning against the counter.

Emily looked down at her cup of tea. "You already know why I married him, what more do you seen to know?"

Suddenly Matt felt every mental restraint snap in his head. "Anything! Everything! I don't care! I promised I'd get you home, Emily. Just tell me something so I can keep that damn promise! Give me reason to let you go back to him." His hands shook against the countertops. His knuckles were white from his strong grasp. He hated when he lost his temper. Gideon had taught him to keep a tight grasp, but his death had done nothing to aid Matt's temper, or emotional state.

Emily stared at Matt's back. She watched his hand shake against the countertops. She'd never seen Matt so angry, so torn. She wanted to give him a reason, she truly did. She wanted to make it easy for both of them, give them both a reason to let go. But she couldn't find it in her heart to do that. She couldn't lie to him.

Emily set her cup of tea on the counter behind her. She walked to Matt's left side and gently placed her hand on tops of his. But no sooner did her palm touch the back of his hand, did Matt pull his hand from the counter. He walked from Emily, refusing to look at her.

"Matt!" Emily called.

Matt stopped at the edge of the kitchen. He sighed deeply, visibly trying to control his temper. "Tell me that you have a child back in your time, Emily. Tell me that you love your husband. Just tell me **something**," Matt turned and faced Emily. "that will make me let you go."

Emily held Matt's desperate gaze. His eyes pleaded with her, just as she had pleaded with him moments ago. She felt her heart break into pieces seeing him so desperate, knowing that she'd put this on both of them by staying here. Her vision of Matt blurred behind tears that she'd let come. Emily was never one to cry, not even as a child, but she was hurting. They both were. She had held back for far too long.

Slowly, Emily shook her head. "I can't."

Matt's last shred of hope fleeted with her words. He closed his eyes, turning from Emily. "It's only going to be harder-"

"Don't you think I already know that, Matthew?" Emily yelled. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she pointlessly brushed them from her cheeks. "Every day i spend here, every day I spend with you, makes me realize how much harder it's going to be when I leave! I wish I could do what you're asking of me. I wish I could give you a reason to let me go, but I can't!"

Matt lowered his head, balling his hands into tight fists. He fought the urge to slam his fist into the cupboard above him. He heard Emily's sobs as she tried to hold them back.

"I know it would be easier for us both is I lied, but I can't. I can't tell you that I don't want to stay here. I can't tell you that I want to go back to my husband. That I would rather stay here. That I want to stay with you." Emily lowered her face into her hands and sobbed. She cursed herself for ever stepping through the gateway. She cursed herself for dragging Ethan and Charlotte with her. She cursed herself for coming to this time. She cursed herself for her feelings for Matt.

Matt turned slowly. He anger had slowly died away with Emily's words. He stood across from her, watching her sob. The pain he felt no doubt matched the pain she was feeling. But her last sentence still hung in his mind. _'I want to stay with you'_. She wanted to stay, with him. That meant Emily cared for him just as he cared for her. A blessing and a bloody curse together.

Matt slowly crossed the kitchen toward Emily. He reached p slowly, gently wrapping his left hand around her wrist. He carefully drew Emily's hands from her face. With his right hand, Matt lifted Emily's chin, brushing the tears with his thumb. He brushed Emily's hair behind her ear and slowly drew his hand around her cheek. "I wish you could stay."


End file.
